tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49584324828112139442024-02-08T10:32:37.361-06:00With An Everlasting Love.....A Walk Through Every DayCorriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-36901383749907546102011-08-07T19:48:00.004-05:002011-08-07T20:22:20.251-05:00I Need A New HobbySo I had to have my gallbladder taken out around the end of May. I was okay, and then, all of a sudden, I soooo wasn't. Really, it's quite sad when you're a patient in your own ER. So I am now gallbladder-less and appendix-less. The appendix was okay, but the doc mentioned he could take it out too. I said "TAKE IT"! Lord knows, it probably would have crapped out in 6 months anyway. Surgeries are no longer going to be a hobby for me. I really MUST come up with something a little less painful and far less expensive. :)<br /><br />The absolute best part of my summer was having my sister Caylen living with me! We had such a wonderful time. Coffee shops, crab legs, Hurricane Harbor, the lake, movies, make-up, thrift shopping, boba tea, Josh Groban concert, ice cream, pool time, red highlights..... She took care of me after surgery; I took care of her after her concussion. We made marvelous roommates!! Hope she comes back next summer! I already miss her terribly.<br /><br />It's HOT in Texas right now. We are on day 30-something of being over 100 degrees without any rain. Pretty sure that, if it ever rains again, I'm going to need to play in it. :) I'm learning to surf behind a friend's boat this summer. I've swallowed half the lake in the process. I'm not very good at it, and I give everyone a huge laugh while i'm trying. It's so much fun!! <br /><br />and that's about all I've got.....Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-54752265151685777232011-04-01T20:31:00.008-05:002011-04-01T22:32:30.191-05:00things that matterWOW!!!!! So I am obviously not as good at this whole blog thing as my older sister is. Pretty sure she writes on one or all of her 3 blogs everyday. She is a punctual, put-together, prepared perfectionist. I'm usually punctual....aaaaaaaaaannnnnddddd that's all I've got. :D<div><br /></div><div>If you don't know all my siblings, let me break it down for you - </div><div><br /></div><div>1.) Cristan: the sister mentioned earlier. She is a mom of one, lives in CA, is crazy creative, dreams big and wonderfully, generous to a fault, and loves to entertain. As children, she was definitely "the boss". When there were chores to be done, she was the supervising manager and we younger kids were the work crew. It took us waaaay too long to realize how sneaky she was in getting out of work. :P She is fiercely loyal and will come out swinging if anyone or anything threatens her loved ones. I've been able to visit her in so many different places. We've shared clothes, Bible studies, break-up stories, laughs, tears, fights, shoes. Oh the wonderful shoes!! </div><div><br /></div><div>2.) Me: you know me</div><div><br /></div><div>3.) Carmen: my twin sister. She is about to be a mommy, lives in VA, is hilarious, spunky, a go-getter, smiley and encouraging. She was the mischievous child! Colored rubber bands on the sink sprayer, convincing the siblings that they were supposed to chew the nasty medicines instead of swallow them, telling people on the phone that they had called our family's madhouse "and to which cage could (she) direct their call". We are best friends (and sometimes each other's worst enemy). She will try almost anything!! She's talked me into doing all sorts of outrageousness, and I, in turn, have had to talk her OUT of doing a few things - usually those things that would threaten either life or limb. Old movie nights, tickle fights (the only way I could win), cooking disasters..... "We are funny girls....." </div><div><br /></div><div>4.) Nathan: the one and only boy, father to one, the "try anything once and he's already great at it" guy. Nate was our childhood adventure leader (okay, okay - he's still mine). Snake hunting in Africa, fort-building, creek-wading, camping, fishing, rock climbing, shooting - name it, he's tried it, and I was usually in tow. When he and I would go snake hunting, I would usually try to distract the snake and keep an eye on its movements while he got in a good position to chop its head off with his machete. The ultimate white "bush kid"... He's my "I need a different perspective, one with logic" go-to guy. He tells me things I don't always want to hear, but they are almost always things that will make me better. Not to mention the many nights of Texas Hold 'Em where I inevitably lose all my chips or pennies or whatever random thing we are playing for. He loves strategy games like Risk. I don't have that kind of patience and perseverance. I would rather pay him to take over my part of the Risk world so I could be done with the game. British comedies with Nate? HIGH-larious!!!! He is a protector - a job his many sisters made (and continue to make) difficult. </div><div><br /></div><div>5.) Carla: Our animal-loving, sweet, compassionate, dry-humored gal, lives in TX, working on becoming a vet assistant. This girl is our "heart of gold" child! She will try to rehabilitate any injured animal and cry her heart out if it doesn't make it. She loves kiddos and they adore her. She sees the good in everyone, says the funniest things, and just adores being with family members. One phrase that makes us all laugh...."then a big white buzzard came down and landed on Jesus's shoulder....." Granted, she was only about 6 then :) She has done lots of writing, and, this last year, we got to see so much talent in her painting and individualized gifts. She's lots of our family's soul.... Her own personal struggles with learning disabilities have made her an inspiring teacher for children with the same problems. She has often been the first person a child with mental disabilities will say their very first words to; she has been the only one who was finally been able to teach a child a concept in reading that he could never understand before; she has been the only person an autistic child will allow to hold or cuddle him/her. She is gifted in so very many extraordinary ways. Sometimes, it's easy for me to forget the struggles she has on a daily basis. Then I see her with these children.... She can reach so many people in a way I never can.</div><div><br /></div><div>6.) Caylen: the diva, trend-setting, hilarious, lovable, crazy fun, joyful lil' sis! This one is a riot! She keeps us all in the know regarding clothing, hair, make-up, music, and all things cool. She is our "life of the party" gal and will keep us laughing. Lots of people are drawn to her just because she is so gracious to people she meets and so vivacious about life (unless she has strep and bronchitis like she does now), but don't be fooled, if I step out of line, she lets me know and fast! She will be living with me for the summer, and I'm so excited! This girl is a natural people person, and challenges me all the time to know what I believe and why. She is a whiz at languages! it's amazing how quickly she can pick up language concepts - Russian, Arabic, some Persian. And this from the girl who insisted on teaching her Hungarian kindergarten class English so that she wouldn't have to learn Hungarian!! </div><div><br /></div><div>7.) Natalie: the baby, the tallest female in the family, brilliant, sporty, witty, wise and gentle. How we all adore Tasha! We all have nicknames for her - Punkin', Scuzzy, Sunshine, Knucklehead.... She is a marvel on a skateboard, ripstick or anything with wheels, loves basketball, is becoming quite the accomplished improv comedian, always has very "beyond her years" good advice, is a calming, joyful, insanely fun person to be around and spend time with, and pretty much the coolest kid ever. Her sense of humor (especially considering the weird family she got stuck in), is spot on, and she is so grounded and beautiful. She doesn't live close, and my heart is in a constant state of "missing Sunshine". Before she was born, I always felt like there was someone missing in our family, that we weren't yet complete. After her birth, I never felt that way again. She is our joy... </div><div><br /></div><div>There you have us - the whole clan. I feel incredibly loved by all of them and undeservedly blessed to have them as my siblings. There are some things in life one can never say enough "Thank You's" for...... You've just met six of mine.<br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-26617274480449585022010-05-07T11:55:00.003-05:002010-05-07T14:13:54.891-05:00Allergies, allergies, allergiesSpring is vicious! I find it so sad that a season I so look forward to results in Zyrtec, Allegra, Claritin and eye drops. My body will be happier when it's 104 degrees and everything is dead. sad, sad, sad.....<br /><br />i'm typing this with only my left arm because i had right shoulder surgery about 8 days ago. my mom is concerned that i'm going to get addicted to pain meds. i'm not anticipating that being a problem. i can't stand staying home all day every day; so i'm living on advil so i can drive places. i start pt on tuesday. OUCH!!<br /><br />the new job started wnderfully well. I have really enjoyed it although i've had to take quite a bit of time off for my shoulder. it has been difficult going back and forth. i feel like i have to start over every time. there have been some uncomfortable moments of my feeling like i'm the knot in a tug of war, but i guess it's just the adjusting that everyone is having to do.<br /><br />i find myself constantly questioning whether or not i'm where i'm supposed to be. a friend continually reminds me that i am simply b/c it is where i am. i'm not convinced it's quite as simple as that; however, i heard a short message by brian houston (hillsong) that was a huge encouragement. the title is -using the things in your hand. he talked about how "calling" is what's in our hands - our talents, gifts, careers, what we are good at. he defined purpose as that which is in our hearts to do - the dreams god has given us to make difference. if you want to be challenged to live in your calling as god works to fulfill your (really HIS) purpose, i would encourage you to listen to this message!!<br /><br />i am going to have to get creative. i've got several weeks of recuperation, and everyone else is at work. we shall see how it progresses......<br /><br />sorry for the ee cummings style. only one arm, remember? :pCorriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-85002727032877519722010-01-04T09:40:00.003-06:002010-01-04T10:33:03.978-06:00If "Change" is the Norm Would "No Change" Be the ExceptionThe holidays are officially over - at least for a little while. It was extremely difficult to drag myself out from underneath my very warm blankets this morning. Snooze was hit multiple times, and Mollie was snuggled up against my legs, quite content to sleep a little longer. Oh, Mondays......<br /><br />So the big news is that I will be starting a new job on January 18th. Although I am sad to be leaving my sweet friends at NTIDC, I am really excited about this new opportunity. I will be one of the research coordinators at Cook Children's Medical Center in Fort Worth. There are so many reasons that I feel this job is going to be a great "fit" for me.<br /><br />1.) The nerd part of me that loves to see research happening and loves to see the results will be oh,so very happy!<br />2.) I am FINALLY getting back to the pediatric world. I have really missed working with kiddos.<br />3.) I will get to utilize different aspects of my Master's degree.<br />4.) My commute will go from almost 3 hours a day to approximately 45 minutes. I will get my life back (and hopefully by rear back in shape :)<br />5.) There's a Starbucks IN the hospital!!<br /><br />The list goes on and on.....<br /><br />Other changes - - - - - Mom, Dad and Natalie will be moving out of the country near the end of February. This is always so difficult for me. I'm such a family gal.... Thankfully, God has graciously provided some dear friends and families that live very close to me. So glad they will be there to help me through the "missing".<br /><br />Nate and Joy's baby girl is due near the end of this month or the beginning of next month (or whenever she decides to pop out). The contest for "favorite aunt" begins. I have the one-up on the other gals because I live closest!<br /><br />One of the roomies is getting married this summer, so Lisa, Erin and I are on the hunt for someone new. Helping with all the crazy wedding planning and travel plans... Lisa will be getting a puppy in the spring so that she won't go into withdrawals when Buddy moves out with Tonya. Hopefully the new dog will be more of playmate for Mollie than Buddy has been. Of course, Buddy is still trying to learn to be a dog. He occasionally thinks he's a cat.<br /><br />As of right now, that's about it, but there are still 361 days for that change. Hope everyone had a wonderfully blessed holiday season.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-88331632058332362842009-11-24T09:10:00.003-06:002009-11-24T09:42:18.853-06:00WooHoo for the HolidaysYAY!!! I love this time of year. Family, family,. family!! I haven't seen my twin sister in a whole year. :( That's just wrong!! Day before Christmas Eve (which she and I call Christmas Adam) is when I will finally see her!! In fact, the entire family will be together this year. All the drama, all the chaos, all the drama, all the noise, all the drama, all the laughing, all the drama....<br /><br />Nate and Joy are having a little girl in January, but they are refusing to tell what the name is going to be. In fact, Nathan will deny that they know what they are going to name her although I have inside information that reveals that this is false. He's just not telling. :)<br /><br />Caylen will be home from college (for both Thanksgiving and Christmas). The girl is hilarious. She adds so much spice to the family dynamics. She will educate me on my lack of musical knowledge. :) Carla is one the "family rocks". She takes everything in stride, and then all of a sudden will say something that has us in the floor rolling with laughter. She will want us to all go horseback riding with her. Natalie is the sunshine! She's the baby of the family and got all the best parts of everyone! She is a Ripstick fiend and a great cuddler.<br /><br />Dad will tell his dad jokes and do a check-up on everyone's cars. Mom will bake and bake and bake and constantly be pushing everyone to eat something. She will also want to play a few hands of peanuts (a card game). <br /><br />Cristan and Dan are coming in from San Diego - driving with 2 dogs, no less. They have little Cha-Cha and Lexi. Funny, little, yappy dogs that are going to drive my parents insane. These dogs are waaaaaaaaaay spoiled!! Pink collars, pink bowls, pink playpen, pink stroller, pink pillows, etc.......<br /><br />Carmen and Doug are coming from Richmond. They are flying, but Carmen will talk about her dog Rooney the ENTIRE time she is home. :D He's a black lab that is afraid of the water. Go figure. <br /><br />And me and Mollie, my crazy, cuddly, loveable mutt.<br /><br />There's the round-up, folks!!Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-14501891454639521902009-09-25T15:58:00.003-05:002009-09-25T16:20:38.750-05:00EscapingThere is an absolutely fascinating psychiatric disorder called a fugue state. Following is Wikepedia's definition:<br /><br />"A fugue state, formally Dissociative Fugue (previously called Psychogenic Fugue) (<a title="DSM-IV Codes" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSM-IV_Codes#Dissociative_Disorders">DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders</a> 300.13<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fugue_state#cite_note-DSM-IV_300.13-0">[1]</a>), is a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the <a class="mw-redirect" title="Memories" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memories">memories</a>, <a title="Personality psychology" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_psychology">personality</a> and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state is usually short-lived (hours to days), but can last months or longer. Dissociative fugue usually involves unplanned travel or wandering, and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity. After recovery from fugue, previous memories usually return intact, however there is complete amnesia for the fugue episode. Importantly, an episode is not characterized as a fugue if it can be related to the ingestion of psychotropic substances, to physical trauma, to a general medical condition, or to psychiatric conditions such as delerium or dementia, bipolar disorder or depression. Fugues are usually precipitated by a stressful episode, and upon recovery there may be amnesia for the original stressor (Dissociative Amnesia)."<br /><br />No joke!! People just walk away one day. They remember absolutely nothing. They have started whole new families, whole new lives. Then, they "wake up". They remember everything - - - - except for all that occurred during the fugue state. The brain finds many ways to escape that which it cannot comprehend - whether it is the old reality or the new.<br /><br />How many of us, at one point or another, haven't wished we could just start over? A fresh start where no one knows us or the mistakes we've made. A start that begins with a whole new person. If we can't have a physical fugue state, maybe we can make do with an emotional one. An escape from ourselves, others, circumstances, pain, tragedies.....<br /><br />It seems ideal except......<br />I don't want to forget all the wonderful memories........in spite of some hurtful ones<br />I don't want to deny the significant people in my life........whose love keeps me going.<br />I don't want to relearn all the lessons I've learned and am learning......those took 30 years.<br />I don't want to forget the experiences, both amazing and painful, that shape who I am.<br />I don't want to let go of dreams and hopes and wishes that I've had for so long.<br />I don't want to forget the laughter........or the tears.<br />I don't want to lose who I am......to escape to a different (but maybe not better) me.<br /><br />What about you? Would you change the things and the people that have made you "you"? Sometimes, escape can be dangerous. It makes us try to live in the future or the past or even in a non-existent place. The here, the now - - that's what we've been given. I pray we all live each moment fully - whether good or bad - because we will never get to live them again.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-21024786194872315942009-09-01T23:23:00.004-05:002009-09-01T23:42:33.009-05:00In Memory Of....One of the most beloved and respected physicians at Baylor ED died on Saturday. It has been heartbreaking for many of us, and yet we have been able to laugh at so many wonderful memories. Dr. Portera was the gentlest doctor I have ever known. I don't think any of us ever saw him struggling with "compassion burn-out". He cared deeply for each and every one of his patients. Once he befriended you, you knew you had a friend for life.<br /><br />As a doctor, he was calm, steady and confident. In critical situations, he never became frazzled. It did not matter what rolled through the ER doors. If he was on duty., every nurse knew that the day would be good. Traumas, codes, crashing patients, broken limbs, sniffles, stubbed toes - neither the severity nor the drama that is part of any ER fazed him. People needed to know someone cared, and Dr. Portera was that caring person - not only for patients but also for their families, for the nurses, the other doctors, the radiology staff, the clerks, the techs., the housekeepers, the security guards, the social workers.<br /><br />He was a man who simply loved people in the way Christ loves them. Dr. Portera did not see social status, gender, or race. He saw fragile hearts that needed to be handled with gentle love and sincere compassion. He entered every patient's room with the words, "Tell me about your troubles". And the amazing thing was that he really wanted to hear and know and understand. <br /><br />Dr. Portera was a healer in every sense of the word. He taught us by example; he led us with gentleness; and he loved us with humor and grace. His was a life richly lived. I pray that I may continue to learn from his example of unselfish, overflowing, Christ-like love.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-48139852131378030222009-07-23T18:18:00.004-05:002009-07-23T19:31:55.850-05:00Things That Change and Things That Don'tI turned 30 yesterday. It seems very weird. Growing up, I heard so many people say that they didn't feel their age, that they still felt so very young. Now, I'm not old, but I'm beginning to understand what they meant. I think that, as we get older, we begin to realize how much we DON'T know, how often we are so wrong in our judgements of others, how much grace we ourselves need, how short life really is. Perspective changes.....<br /><br />I got a tattoo. Definite change - - - - - that my mother will find out about tomorrow. It's the word Muirnin written in Celtic script across the inside of my left wrist. The word means "beloved" in Gaelic. This wasn't a snap, "help, I'm turning thirty" decision. I've actually wanted to get one for several years but wanted to be sure I wanted what I got. This is to be a daily reminder that I am Christ's Beloved. I so often allow my feelings to influence what I believe about who I am in the Lord. My feelings don't change the truth though. Muirnin is who I am to my God. A physical marking, a reminder that "I am my Beloved's, and He is mine".....<br /><br />I took the full time position at the clinic where I have been working part time. This would not usually be such a big deal for someone, but for me, it's kinda big. It means that I'm committing to staying in DFW for at least another year. It means I'm not planning, striving, pushing forward. I'm waiting. I'm finally learning to trust that being still is not "wasted time". Learning to be still is giving me some much needed and beyond priceless, precious time with people I dearly love.<br /><br />So there's where life is at the moment. Nothing crazy, nothing chaotic, nothing spectacular - - - -and maybe that's the most spectacular, amazing thing about it. Life always changes, and it always stays the same.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-47423563357303526672009-05-27T11:13:00.004-05:002009-05-27T12:12:36.378-05:00Really? Seriously?This has been a ridiculous week!! I ended up in the ER this last week for something that was neither spectacular nor heroic. I fell down some stairs. The fall itself was nowhere near graceful, but I was in a cute dress. Not quite sure how that makes things better, but it's all I've got. I was pretty sure I had broken my arm, but the X-rays refused to show a fracture. I <em>still</em> think its broken. It hurts like nobody's business!! This lovely little event happened in a teeny, tiny town called D'Hanis, Texas. It's west of Hondo which is west of another small town which is southwest of San Antonio. I was there for some friends' wedding (which was absolutely beautiful). I was wearing another cute dress for that, but, b/c it was red and black, it got cancelled out by the blue and white arm sling.<br /><br />Weddings seem to be jinxed events for me. At my brother's wedding, I had a really bad infection in my foot. Landed in the Shawnee, OK ER for medication. I was on crutches for the next 3 days. Just to add to the ridiculousness of it, the medication made me pass out - - - - twice. I hit my head on the back of the dryer and regained consciousness to the melodious sound of my sister verbalizing some French. After passing out for the second time, I "came to" being unceremoniously dumped on my bed by my brother-in-law and listening to my sister-in-law explaining to some friends that she <em>had</em> to call them to find out what to do b/c it <em>was </em>the ER nurse who had fainted, and so, no, she couldn't give directions.<br /><br />As previously mentioned, my dog and I are similar; so she had to be sure to have medical issues too. Her injury, or rather how she obtained it, is rather impressive. In fact, she was the first dog her vet had ever had that was hurt from jumping on the trampoline. She caught her leg in the spring and ripped a gash in her leg. She woke up the entire neighborhood with her sad yelping. If people are on the trampoline, she wants to be on there to jump at them. If people aren't on it, she wants to be closer to the birds. I'm waiting for the day when she realizes she can jump over the fence if she is on it. Hopefully, she won't impale herself. So, Mollie had to be sedated and sutured yesterday. I have to admit that a drugged dog is pretty darn hilarious - - - - pitiful but funny.<br /><br />Life is proving - - - - - interesting.........Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-80477379858578933442009-05-07T13:49:00.002-05:002009-05-07T13:59:36.621-05:00a safe placeToday is rough going. It's one of those days where everything seems somewhat bleak. Up, down, right, left, over, under, through - - - - my emotions have been all over the place and not without valid reason. Sometimes the grace and goodness of God are amazingly tangible. This is not one of those times.<br /><br />This is one of those times where I have to believe even when circumstances would initiate doubt. I have to cling to the fact that He wants only the best for me, that He rejoices over me with singing, that I am engraved on the palms of His hands. As buffetted as my feelings and emotions have been, He is still my safe place. I must learn to rest.....Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-51059806250171802892009-03-26T11:52:00.003-05:002009-03-26T12:37:13.703-05:00Running Away From HomeI've decided to run away from home! I'm somewhat excited about it, although it does seem a bit delayed since I'm pushing 30 not 15. Better late than never!! Having become a somewhat logical processor (after the initial emotional response), I had to wait until I had some practical reasons to leave. I never was much of a rebel.....<br /><br />So, I've decided to run away from defensiveness. Turns out that it's impossible to love people with a Christ-encompassing love when I refuse to be vulnerable. When I'm honest with myself, I realize my defensiveness is a response to fear. I must face forward to run away; so no more watching my back.....<br /><br />Running away from my own selfishness. Trying to make life all about me has proven to be totally exhausting. I don't think I have the energy for it. :) I've also found that, when focusing on myself, there is very little joy spilling into or out of my life. Not getting my own way is a sure fire way of making me very quickly irritated with others. I'm ditching me, letting go of control. Think I'll sit back, chillax and have a cup of coffee with some friends......<br /><br />So long as I'm running, I might as well leave behind the heavy seriousness I tend to drag around with me. I need to have more FUN!!! It's not that every conversation, moment and event aren't significant; they are!! However, not everything needs to be dissected for melancholy, life-changing importance. So - - -fly kites, try eating a dog biscuit, stay up late just because the company's great, sing and dance even with NO talent, run in the rain, read kids' books, LAUGH!!!! ----- that's the plan. Anybody care to join?<br /><br />There are plenty of things in my life that I've made "home" that need to be left behind. Running away isn't always a bad thing; in fact, I might decide to do it more often. After all, the only thing I really have to do is pack a bag....Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-40024159659582466202009-03-26T11:12:00.005-05:002009-03-26T12:39:45.949-05:00BrokenOver the last few years, I've done quite a bit of thinking and praying about brokenness and what that means in the life of a Jesus follower. I have come to the conclusion that, besides being an on-going process, brokenness is directly tied to the dreams and goals we have. I truly believe that God gives us dreams for the purpose of taking some of them away from us. Not in a hateful, "I'm God! Watch me move you around like a pawn on my own personal chessboard and dash all your hopes and dreams!" way but in an overwhelming loving "I am your Father. I know you completely, and I can see what you cannot. Trust me with your heart" way.<br /><br />So often we kick and scream and beat our heels on the floor like a two year old when life does not turn out as we so desperately hoped it would. We want our way. Most of the time, our goals and dreams are good things, and yet, we are still so often stripped of them. God changes them or takes them, and we question the reason.<br /><br />In my own life, I've found that I lean more heavily on Him and seek His face more intensly when I am disappointed. My doubt drives me to my knees. In time, I find that he uses the brokenness to create something far more beautiful and complete than I would have ever been able to do with "my plan". He has set eternity in the hearts of men (and women)....... I cannot see tomorrow; so, eternity, with all my hopes, dreams and goals wrapped up in it, is better left in the hands of my Alpha and Omega.<br /><br /><em>Fields</em><br /><br /><em>Fields of flowers, like ten thousand bittersweet dreams.</em><br /><em>A fallen branch,</em><br /><em>A careless step, </em><br /><em>A storm of wind and rain,</em><br /><em>A thousand crushed petals that tell of meaningless death,</em><br /><em>And yet, what a sweet aroma can arise from a broken thing.</em><br /><em></em><br />Let your brokenness become a beautiful thing....Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-5838474468537160642009-03-05T10:50:00.003-06:002009-03-05T11:20:54.166-06:00MollieI've had my dog Mollie for about a year and a half. During that time, I've figured out that my dog and I are very similar. So, this posting will be just a wee bit quirky.... Here's the list:<br /><br />1.) She is stubborn!!<br />- I have been known to not budge until I get my way<br /><br />2.) She loves attention and is very much a people pleaser<br />- no comment :)<br /><br />3.) She very often insists on playing with things that have and will continue to hurt her (cats)<br />- How many times have I insisted on continuing in something that I know will hurt me?<br /><br />4.) She pulls on her leash, insisting on going the wrong direction<br />- I pull and pull until God has to give me a jerk (that often lands me on my butt) to get<br />me headed in the right direction<br /><br />5.) She doesn't like her own food. She would much rather have everyone else's.<br />- Too many times I've looked at other people's lives and thought, "If only..."<br /><br />6.) She loses focus easily<br />- I'm very easily distracted by bright, shiny objects.....and several people will smile at this<br /><br />7.) She is frightened by harmless things (plastic bags and sprinklers) and harmless noises<br />(xylephones) but will dive headfirst into things that can cause harm (again, cats)<br />- Frogs!!! I fear frogs but have no problem waltzing into war zones<br /><br />8.) She adores people and gets upset when they are upset or crying<br />- Me too but I have the bad habit of taking on guilt that is not mine to carry<br /><br />9.) She is clumsy, klutzy and awkward<br />- It's a good day if I've managed to not spill anything or fall flat on my face<br /><br />10.) She always wants things that aren't good for her (cats, chocolate, roadkill)<br />- Ditto to the chocolate! I often insist on clinging to things that are no longer healthy for me<br />(habits, fears, relationships, guilt, grudges, people-pleasing tendencies)<br /><br />So there are just a few ways in which Mollie and I are similar. Funny what God uses to show you things about yourself. Guess it's time for me to let go of some of that roadkill - there is no guilt or fear in obedience.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-70361799842552485442009-02-16T09:59:00.009-06:002009-02-16T20:53:06.878-06:00AnchoredSo I turned in my 2 weeks notice to Baylor last week. I'm just a bit nervous about it!! I keep reminding God that I need another part time job b/c there are still, unfortunately, bills to pay. :) It's when I remind God of that that I distinctly hear Him laugh at me.<br /><br />This is a step in faith. The hardest part about this decision was waiting. Patience is not one of my stronger points. In fact, there are days that I tell God it's not fair for Him to teach me patience on the days I don't specifically ask for it. Again, He laughs... I had several well-meaning people tell me to just find a new job, move, take that "leap of faith". Absolutely great advice except it wasn't right for me. I know myself. Moving, going, changing isn't usually the problem. Waiting for God is. And this time, He asked me to wait.<br /><br />What I have learned in the waiting is a deeper level of trust. Whether or not I "see" or "feel" God working in my life has no bearing on His plan for me. My relationship with Him cannot be based on my emotions b/c they rise and fall like a streamer caught in a breeze. What is vitally important is where I choose to anchor my heart.<br /><br />I'm still not at all sure where I'm going to work or what I'm going to do. Other things besides my career are changing too. I'm up and down, excited and scared, full of energy and exhausted, but my Rock is unshakable.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong.... I'm sure there are plenty of other things that I do that will make me hear God laughing at me. So, I pray that we all will know when to wait and to find joy in the waiting. And when God laughs, laugh with Him....Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-55391554008657719452009-01-26T19:05:00.004-06:002009-01-26T19:58:31.924-06:00Falling WallsSometimes I don't realize how much I miss something until I suddenly have it again. It's been a really long time since I've had fun, relaxed, consistent time with friends who love me, know me well and are headed in the same "life direction". The last 3 or 4 years of my life have been so scattered. Indonesia, Uganda, Dubai, Nashville, New Orleans, Dallas - wonderful experiences, hard experiences; some I would relive; others I wouldn't. <br /><br />Needless to say, so many places in such a short period of time make it difficult to establish friendships that have time to develop into close, long lasting relationships. Most of my close friends (not to mention family) live far away. Talking to them is a huge blessing; seeing them is a relatively rare event. I've learned to defend myself - to build walls around my heart and mind - if only to continue every day life without fearing a constant, lonely emotional crisis.<br /><br />Lately, I've been able to spend alot of time with some very dear friends that I have known for forever, have been roommates with, who know and love my family, and who challenge me to love God and people in a deeper way. I don't have to explain my fears, hopes, dreams or faults to them. They already know them because these friendships were built a long time ago. <br /><br />So, here's to the POC crowd! Thanks for engulfing me again. I can't even begin to explain what an answer to prayer y'all are. Sometimes God comes when we least expect it, and sometimes He graciously heals wounds that we forget even hurt because we have lived with them for so long. It is both frightening and relieving to have somewhere to go where my walls are no longer needed.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-70208891383364264292009-01-20T22:09:00.003-06:002009-01-20T23:04:41.092-06:00RedemptionRedeem is an action verb. It means <strong>"to restore the honor of"</strong>. It is a giving back of that which is no longer deserved. The guilty can never be the source of their own redemption.<br /><br />When the redeemed is guilty, it is impossible to separate redemption from grace. Honor cannot be restored to the guilty without the all-encompassing grace of the Redeemer.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-69173669832070864752009-01-20T21:09:00.006-06:002009-01-24T09:07:03.743-06:00Missing You....<em>Daddy, I Remember</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Daddy, I remember....</em><br /><em>I remember your laugh and your smile, the twinkle in your eye.</em><br /><em>I remember you coming home, so handsome in your uniform.</em><br /><em>I remember running into your arms, yelling "DADDY!"</em><br /><em>.....or do I just imagine?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Daddy, I remember....</em><br /><em>I remember "Mommy's Day Out" and green eggs and ham.</em><br /><em>I remember faces made of hot dogs and ketchup with spinach hair.</em><br /><em>I remember magic shows where balloons had needles through them and bread could be </em><br /><em>made with baby powder.</em><br /><em>.....or do I just imagine?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Daddy, I remember....</em><br /><em>I remember lining up behind you to yell "Christmas Eve Gift" when Nana opened the door.</em><br /><em>I remember you and Mommy helping me ask Jesus to come into my heart.</em><br /><em>I remember what your face looked like when you walked in the front door the day of your </em><br /><em>surprise birthday party.</em><br /><em>......or do I just imagine?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Daddy, I remember....</em><br /><em>I remember you holding me when I was tired.</em><br /><em>I remember you painting our faces like clowns and letting us wave at cars as </em><br /><em>they went by.</em><br /><em>I remember building our snowman that had a pair of underwear for a hat.</em><br /><em>I remember you going outside to get big bowls of snow so that we could</em><br /><em>have snow ice cream.</em><br /><em>.....or do I just imagine?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Daddy, I remember....</em><br /><em>I remember you chasing Mommy as she went screaming through the house.</em><br /><em>I remember you catching her and tickling her until she laughed so hard she cried.</em><br /><em>I remember you tilting her back in your arms and kissing her while we kids</em><br /><em>clapped and cheered.</em><br /><em>.....or do I just imagine? </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Your laugh, your smile, the twinkle in your eye,</em><br /><em>Daddy, I remember.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br />Some hurts, some grief, never go away. It changes; it matures, but somewhere inside, there is always the five year old little girl, aching because, one night, her Daddy never made it home.<em> </em>Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-77057776738671598382008-12-30T14:42:00.004-06:002009-01-20T21:56:53.477-06:00As I Say, Not As I DoI have a big mouth. Not dentally, my dentist assures me, but with what comes out of it. I have a bad habit of giving very good, godly advice to friends and family but not following it myself. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the outside of myself watching myself make crazy mistakes. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!! At that point, my watching self needs to hit my acting self in the head.<br /><br />Sometimes it takes us awhile to grow up, I think. We hope that the consequences of our actions won't be able to catch us. Maybe, just maybe, we're the only ones in the world who won't have to pay the piper. Life doesn't work that way, though. It especially doesn't work like that if you are a believer. "He disciplines those He loves," etc...etc...etc....<br /><br />I'm not what I wish I were. And, unless I'm obedient, I never will be. What about you? Is it time to pay the piper and move on?Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-77916230591675195872008-12-01T19:05:00.003-06:002009-01-20T21:57:22.314-06:00The Things We WantI find it ironic and both a tribute and a curse to human nature that one can feel a deep sense of grief and loss for something that never belonged to them. Our minds and hearts love and engulf that which they have no right to own. If something is not freely given, it can never be fully possessed. Our attmepts at manipulation, strategy and charm are a waste because force never creates free surrender.<br /><br /><br />"Cease striving and know that I am God..."Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-73632920136947061992008-11-20T19:13:00.005-06:002009-01-02T09:45:15.299-06:00Running RutSo, I've been in a running rut the last few months. There are several reasons: 1.) I'm trying to rehab a cranky knee 2.) tired of running the same old routes by myself 3.) BUSY 4.) just got out of my normal schedule. It's not that I haven't been running. I've just been going alot less frequently, and it has seemed alot less fun.<br /><br />However, my love of running was reawakened today. I remembered why I run. Not for the speed, the time or the miles - I run for discovery. I went running in an area of town I had never been to before, and it was absolutely beautiful and fresh. What I like is finding new places, seeing new things. I run until I get myself lost. I have no idea how far I've gone or how fast I've gotten there. Accomplishment isn't my goal. Reckless joy in discoveries that have cost me some exertion to find is. But, you see, I'm an overacheiver. I feel like I have to do better, be better, work harder.......and the list goes on and on. So, because I tend to forget that I don't have kill myself just because I like something, I will lose my love, joy and passion for it.<br /><br />As I ran today, along unfamiliar roads and sidewalks, over bridges and through neighborhoods (hoping I would eventually run into my car again), I discovered things about God and about myself. Sometimes, He allows us to lose things we love or our love of certain things to bring us back to the core of Who He is and who He has made us to be. We get in a rut. He becomes boring; we get busy; people need us; we're tired. Only by taking us on new paths to different places can He get our attention. He is God, and we are His.<br /><br />And, as He so very often does, He reignites the love we hold for Him, and, for me, the love I have for running....... How come He loves us enough to give back what He sometimes has to take?<br /><br />P.S. - I did find my car again.....Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-35320330649460895232008-11-07T10:37:00.004-06:002009-01-26T20:09:13.803-06:00Hits in New OrleansThis is a repost of a myspace blog put on here specifically for my little sister who requested it. A few things added.....<br /><br />Hits in N.O.<br /><br />As I said before, working in New Orleans is rather interesting. Our E.R. stays pretty busy. Between people coding, coming in with gun shot wounds, being drunk out of their minds, and getting no available beds upstairs, we stay on our feet the whole time. I am now no longer just an ER nurse. I'm ICU, med surg, psych, trauma, rehab, and er - all from one spot. I love the trauma. I think my mom is bothered that I'm a blood and guts kind of gal. All of this rambling to share a few lessons learned -<br /><br />#1 If you take cocaine on a regular basis, you WILL have chest pain<br /><br />#2 Don't tell me that you don't take cocaine but that you have been on a crack binge for the last three months<br /><br />#3 When you have 16 bullet holes in your body, none of which hit vital organs, don't tell the nurses and docs you don't know why it happened or who did it. That wasn't just a lousy shot. It was a warning.<br /><br />#4 With 16 holes in your body, don't tell me you're not on drugs. Your pee says otherwise, and if I believe your lie and give you meds that work with the benzos, thc, crack and opiates in your system, you could lay there and die.<br /><br />#5 Don't look too many people in the eye when you go running downtown. Lots of them are your patients, and if they recognize you, you could be in trouble. Your goal is NOT to be a block-buster CSI case.<br /><br />#6 NEVER agree to a date with one of your drunken, crackhead patients...or the psychiatric patient who thinks you're nice....or the guy on Bourbon street....or the local EMT. In fact, not dating someone from New Orleans IN New Orleans is probably your best bet.<br /><br />#7 Be very good friends with all of the security folk. They might just save your butt one day.<br /><br />#8 Please don't come to the ER because a pigeon pecked your toe in 1997, and "its hurt ever since...."<br /><br />#9 NEVER take a patient up on getting a free palm reading<br /><br />#10 When the doctors are calling your row of patients "Corrie's Crackhouse", you know it's going to be a doozy of a day.....<br /><br />#11 When a patient's family asks if you're married, and his friend states that he doesn't see a ring, RUN!!!! Don't ask questions or try to be polite - just run.......fast!!!Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-63253876960984704342008-11-04T12:49:00.003-06:002008-11-04T13:39:44.846-06:00Water FallingI've been doing alot of thinking about what it means to be a "safe" person and what it means to be a risk-taker. My sister nailed it: you can't be a safe risk-taker. You must make a choice. Which one am I? <br /><br />When I was in Uganda last year, my team took a weekend break at this place called Sipi Falls. It was gorgeous and relaxing. There were several waterfalls on the mountain, and, from a distance, the apparent serenity of the area immediately made one's shoulders relax and one's mind forget all the impending deadlines. However, when you hiked down to the falls and got in the water, the force was amazing. The waterfall, although pouring over a 300 foot drop, was relatively small. The stinging waterdrops and the cool air that hit you were refreshing but exhausting. Caution was necessary if only to protect one's eyes and skin. The rocks were slippery, and the shattering drops were deafening. The water was surrounded by tropical plants that were at least knee high. The rocks sparkled with drops, their faces carved and changed by the consistent power of water and wind. The flowers edging the pool brilliantly outshone those further away. And those of us in the water felt recklessly <em>alive</em>....<br /><br />Later that day, I realized something. The waterfall is God. From a distance, He seems safe, serene, calm.......sometimes almost boring. However, if you risk knowing Him, being in Him and of Him, He is anything but safe. He is the meeting point of the water and the rocks. My pride and my will are shattered. His plan becomes my only option because I cannot stop Him from working in me anymore than I can stop the water from falling over the edge of the cliff. Sometimes it's painful because my natural tendency is to resist change. But the closer I am to being underneath the waterfall, the more brilliant it becomes. It is not a safe place to be. It never will be, but it is the most refreshing and most fruitful place. I fear living a useless, "safe" life. So my prayer for myself is that I will be willing to live my life where the water meets the rocks.<br /><br /> "......Aslan safe? He's not safe, but He is good......" <br /> <br /> Chronicles of Narnia;<br /> The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe <br /> C.S. LewisCorriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4958432482811213944.post-72293266747689613572008-11-01T22:37:00.002-05:002008-11-04T16:07:50.667-06:00Looking For....I find myself fascinated by "missed connections" websites!! I learned about them two weeks ago from a random article on MSN. So, once or twice a week, out of curiosity and just plain nosiness, I read some of the postings.<br /><br />People Seeking People.....<br /><br />Some get on to apologize....<br />Others are looking for old friends.....<br />Postings full of hurt and disappointment; others overflowing with hope.....<br />Many are desperate attempts to repair a shattered relationship......<br />Even some postings that are on-going fights......<br />However, the vast majority are from people who saw or talked to someone at a random moment on a random day in a random situation. They want to connect, to get to know that someone better, to satisfy a curiosity. They are anonymous - these posters. Safe risk-takers....<br /><br />I understand why these sites are so popular. We all want someone to be searching for us. We want to have made an impression, a difference. We long to be noticed. It's a heady thought. Hope-filled and mind-filling: someone somewhere is looking for <em>me.</em><br /><em></em><br />We feel validated when we are pursued. Whether it is a friend that wants to go to dinner, a coworker who's day is better because you're there, a family member who just misses your presence or a romantic interest that longs to spend time with you because of your "you-ness" - our hearts and minds are enchanted and enthralled. We are filled with the contentment of knowing we are pursued.<br /><br />And so, I smile, laugh, sigh and cringe for those anonymous posters. I hope for them what I so often hope for myself. I wonder if one day I'll read a posting of someone looking for me; because, at heart, we all long to be found.Corriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18329856687419873574noreply@blogger.com4