I've had my dog Mollie for about a year and a half. During that time, I've figured out that my dog and I are very similar. So, this posting will be just a wee bit quirky.... Here's the list:
1.) She is stubborn!!
- I have been known to not budge until I get my way
2.) She loves attention and is very much a people pleaser
- no comment :)
3.) She very often insists on playing with things that have and will continue to hurt her (cats)
- How many times have I insisted on continuing in something that I know will hurt me?
4.) She pulls on her leash, insisting on going the wrong direction
- I pull and pull until God has to give me a jerk (that often lands me on my butt) to get
me headed in the right direction
5.) She doesn't like her own food. She would much rather have everyone else's.
- Too many times I've looked at other people's lives and thought, "If only..."
6.) She loses focus easily
- I'm very easily distracted by bright, shiny objects.....and several people will smile at this
7.) She is frightened by harmless things (plastic bags and sprinklers) and harmless noises
(xylephones) but will dive headfirst into things that can cause harm (again, cats)
- Frogs!!! I fear frogs but have no problem waltzing into war zones
8.) She adores people and gets upset when they are upset or crying
- Me too but I have the bad habit of taking on guilt that is not mine to carry
9.) She is clumsy, klutzy and awkward
- It's a good day if I've managed to not spill anything or fall flat on my face
10.) She always wants things that aren't good for her (cats, chocolate, roadkill)
- Ditto to the chocolate! I often insist on clinging to things that are no longer healthy for me
(habits, fears, relationships, guilt, grudges, people-pleasing tendencies)
So there are just a few ways in which Mollie and I are similar. Funny what God uses to show you things about yourself. Guess it's time for me to let go of some of that roadkill - there is no guilt or fear in obedience.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Anchored
So I turned in my 2 weeks notice to Baylor last week. I'm just a bit nervous about it!! I keep reminding God that I need another part time job b/c there are still, unfortunately, bills to pay. :) It's when I remind God of that that I distinctly hear Him laugh at me.
This is a step in faith. The hardest part about this decision was waiting. Patience is not one of my stronger points. In fact, there are days that I tell God it's not fair for Him to teach me patience on the days I don't specifically ask for it. Again, He laughs... I had several well-meaning people tell me to just find a new job, move, take that "leap of faith". Absolutely great advice except it wasn't right for me. I know myself. Moving, going, changing isn't usually the problem. Waiting for God is. And this time, He asked me to wait.
What I have learned in the waiting is a deeper level of trust. Whether or not I "see" or "feel" God working in my life has no bearing on His plan for me. My relationship with Him cannot be based on my emotions b/c they rise and fall like a streamer caught in a breeze. What is vitally important is where I choose to anchor my heart.
I'm still not at all sure where I'm going to work or what I'm going to do. Other things besides my career are changing too. I'm up and down, excited and scared, full of energy and exhausted, but my Rock is unshakable.
Don't get me wrong.... I'm sure there are plenty of other things that I do that will make me hear God laughing at me. So, I pray that we all will know when to wait and to find joy in the waiting. And when God laughs, laugh with Him....
This is a step in faith. The hardest part about this decision was waiting. Patience is not one of my stronger points. In fact, there are days that I tell God it's not fair for Him to teach me patience on the days I don't specifically ask for it. Again, He laughs... I had several well-meaning people tell me to just find a new job, move, take that "leap of faith". Absolutely great advice except it wasn't right for me. I know myself. Moving, going, changing isn't usually the problem. Waiting for God is. And this time, He asked me to wait.
What I have learned in the waiting is a deeper level of trust. Whether or not I "see" or "feel" God working in my life has no bearing on His plan for me. My relationship with Him cannot be based on my emotions b/c they rise and fall like a streamer caught in a breeze. What is vitally important is where I choose to anchor my heart.
I'm still not at all sure where I'm going to work or what I'm going to do. Other things besides my career are changing too. I'm up and down, excited and scared, full of energy and exhausted, but my Rock is unshakable.
Don't get me wrong.... I'm sure there are plenty of other things that I do that will make me hear God laughing at me. So, I pray that we all will know when to wait and to find joy in the waiting. And when God laughs, laugh with Him....
Monday, January 26, 2009
Falling Walls
Sometimes I don't realize how much I miss something until I suddenly have it again. It's been a really long time since I've had fun, relaxed, consistent time with friends who love me, know me well and are headed in the same "life direction". The last 3 or 4 years of my life have been so scattered. Indonesia, Uganda, Dubai, Nashville, New Orleans, Dallas - wonderful experiences, hard experiences; some I would relive; others I wouldn't.
Needless to say, so many places in such a short period of time make it difficult to establish friendships that have time to develop into close, long lasting relationships. Most of my close friends (not to mention family) live far away. Talking to them is a huge blessing; seeing them is a relatively rare event. I've learned to defend myself - to build walls around my heart and mind - if only to continue every day life without fearing a constant, lonely emotional crisis.
Lately, I've been able to spend alot of time with some very dear friends that I have known for forever, have been roommates with, who know and love my family, and who challenge me to love God and people in a deeper way. I don't have to explain my fears, hopes, dreams or faults to them. They already know them because these friendships were built a long time ago.
So, here's to the POC crowd! Thanks for engulfing me again. I can't even begin to explain what an answer to prayer y'all are. Sometimes God comes when we least expect it, and sometimes He graciously heals wounds that we forget even hurt because we have lived with them for so long. It is both frightening and relieving to have somewhere to go where my walls are no longer needed.
Needless to say, so many places in such a short period of time make it difficult to establish friendships that have time to develop into close, long lasting relationships. Most of my close friends (not to mention family) live far away. Talking to them is a huge blessing; seeing them is a relatively rare event. I've learned to defend myself - to build walls around my heart and mind - if only to continue every day life without fearing a constant, lonely emotional crisis.
Lately, I've been able to spend alot of time with some very dear friends that I have known for forever, have been roommates with, who know and love my family, and who challenge me to love God and people in a deeper way. I don't have to explain my fears, hopes, dreams or faults to them. They already know them because these friendships were built a long time ago.
So, here's to the POC crowd! Thanks for engulfing me again. I can't even begin to explain what an answer to prayer y'all are. Sometimes God comes when we least expect it, and sometimes He graciously heals wounds that we forget even hurt because we have lived with them for so long. It is both frightening and relieving to have somewhere to go where my walls are no longer needed.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Redemption
Redeem is an action verb. It means "to restore the honor of". It is a giving back of that which is no longer deserved. The guilty can never be the source of their own redemption.
When the redeemed is guilty, it is impossible to separate redemption from grace. Honor cannot be restored to the guilty without the all-encompassing grace of the Redeemer.
When the redeemed is guilty, it is impossible to separate redemption from grace. Honor cannot be restored to the guilty without the all-encompassing grace of the Redeemer.
Missing You....
Daddy, I Remember
Daddy, I remember....
I remember your laugh and your smile, the twinkle in your eye.
I remember you coming home, so handsome in your uniform.
I remember running into your arms, yelling "DADDY!"
.....or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember "Mommy's Day Out" and green eggs and ham.
I remember faces made of hot dogs and ketchup with spinach hair.
I remember magic shows where balloons had needles through them and bread could be
made with baby powder.
.....or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember lining up behind you to yell "Christmas Eve Gift" when Nana opened the door.
I remember you and Mommy helping me ask Jesus to come into my heart.
I remember what your face looked like when you walked in the front door the day of your
surprise birthday party.
......or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember you holding me when I was tired.
I remember you painting our faces like clowns and letting us wave at cars as
they went by.
I remember building our snowman that had a pair of underwear for a hat.
I remember you going outside to get big bowls of snow so that we could
have snow ice cream.
.....or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember you chasing Mommy as she went screaming through the house.
I remember you catching her and tickling her until she laughed so hard she cried.
I remember you tilting her back in your arms and kissing her while we kids
clapped and cheered.
.....or do I just imagine?
Your laugh, your smile, the twinkle in your eye,
Daddy, I remember.
Some hurts, some grief, never go away. It changes; it matures, but somewhere inside, there is always the five year old little girl, aching because, one night, her Daddy never made it home.
Daddy, I remember....
I remember your laugh and your smile, the twinkle in your eye.
I remember you coming home, so handsome in your uniform.
I remember running into your arms, yelling "DADDY!"
.....or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember "Mommy's Day Out" and green eggs and ham.
I remember faces made of hot dogs and ketchup with spinach hair.
I remember magic shows where balloons had needles through them and bread could be
made with baby powder.
.....or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember lining up behind you to yell "Christmas Eve Gift" when Nana opened the door.
I remember you and Mommy helping me ask Jesus to come into my heart.
I remember what your face looked like when you walked in the front door the day of your
surprise birthday party.
......or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember you holding me when I was tired.
I remember you painting our faces like clowns and letting us wave at cars as
they went by.
I remember building our snowman that had a pair of underwear for a hat.
I remember you going outside to get big bowls of snow so that we could
have snow ice cream.
.....or do I just imagine?
Daddy, I remember....
I remember you chasing Mommy as she went screaming through the house.
I remember you catching her and tickling her until she laughed so hard she cried.
I remember you tilting her back in your arms and kissing her while we kids
clapped and cheered.
.....or do I just imagine?
Your laugh, your smile, the twinkle in your eye,
Daddy, I remember.
Some hurts, some grief, never go away. It changes; it matures, but somewhere inside, there is always the five year old little girl, aching because, one night, her Daddy never made it home.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
As I Say, Not As I Do
I have a big mouth. Not dentally, my dentist assures me, but with what comes out of it. I have a bad habit of giving very good, godly advice to friends and family but not following it myself. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the outside of myself watching myself make crazy mistakes. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!! At that point, my watching self needs to hit my acting self in the head.
Sometimes it takes us awhile to grow up, I think. We hope that the consequences of our actions won't be able to catch us. Maybe, just maybe, we're the only ones in the world who won't have to pay the piper. Life doesn't work that way, though. It especially doesn't work like that if you are a believer. "He disciplines those He loves," etc...etc...etc....
I'm not what I wish I were. And, unless I'm obedient, I never will be. What about you? Is it time to pay the piper and move on?
Sometimes it takes us awhile to grow up, I think. We hope that the consequences of our actions won't be able to catch us. Maybe, just maybe, we're the only ones in the world who won't have to pay the piper. Life doesn't work that way, though. It especially doesn't work like that if you are a believer. "He disciplines those He loves," etc...etc...etc....
I'm not what I wish I were. And, unless I'm obedient, I never will be. What about you? Is it time to pay the piper and move on?
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Things We Want
I find it ironic and both a tribute and a curse to human nature that one can feel a deep sense of grief and loss for something that never belonged to them. Our minds and hearts love and engulf that which they have no right to own. If something is not freely given, it can never be fully possessed. Our attmepts at manipulation, strategy and charm are a waste because force never creates free surrender.
"Cease striving and know that I am God..."
"Cease striving and know that I am God..."
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