I have a big mouth. Not dentally, my dentist assures me, but with what comes out of it. I have a bad habit of giving very good, godly advice to friends and family but not following it myself. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the outside of myself watching myself make crazy mistakes. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!! At that point, my watching self needs to hit my acting self in the head.
Sometimes it takes us awhile to grow up, I think. We hope that the consequences of our actions won't be able to catch us. Maybe, just maybe, we're the only ones in the world who won't have to pay the piper. Life doesn't work that way, though. It especially doesn't work like that if you are a believer. "He disciplines those He loves," etc...etc...etc....
I'm not what I wish I were. And, unless I'm obedient, I never will be. What about you? Is it time to pay the piper and move on?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Things We Want
I find it ironic and both a tribute and a curse to human nature that one can feel a deep sense of grief and loss for something that never belonged to them. Our minds and hearts love and engulf that which they have no right to own. If something is not freely given, it can never be fully possessed. Our attmepts at manipulation, strategy and charm are a waste because force never creates free surrender.
"Cease striving and know that I am God..."
"Cease striving and know that I am God..."
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Running Rut
So, I've been in a running rut the last few months. There are several reasons: 1.) I'm trying to rehab a cranky knee 2.) tired of running the same old routes by myself 3.) BUSY 4.) just got out of my normal schedule. It's not that I haven't been running. I've just been going alot less frequently, and it has seemed alot less fun.
However, my love of running was reawakened today. I remembered why I run. Not for the speed, the time or the miles - I run for discovery. I went running in an area of town I had never been to before, and it was absolutely beautiful and fresh. What I like is finding new places, seeing new things. I run until I get myself lost. I have no idea how far I've gone or how fast I've gotten there. Accomplishment isn't my goal. Reckless joy in discoveries that have cost me some exertion to find is. But, you see, I'm an overacheiver. I feel like I have to do better, be better, work harder.......and the list goes on and on. So, because I tend to forget that I don't have kill myself just because I like something, I will lose my love, joy and passion for it.
As I ran today, along unfamiliar roads and sidewalks, over bridges and through neighborhoods (hoping I would eventually run into my car again), I discovered things about God and about myself. Sometimes, He allows us to lose things we love or our love of certain things to bring us back to the core of Who He is and who He has made us to be. We get in a rut. He becomes boring; we get busy; people need us; we're tired. Only by taking us on new paths to different places can He get our attention. He is God, and we are His.
And, as He so very often does, He reignites the love we hold for Him, and, for me, the love I have for running....... How come He loves us enough to give back what He sometimes has to take?
P.S. - I did find my car again.....
However, my love of running was reawakened today. I remembered why I run. Not for the speed, the time or the miles - I run for discovery. I went running in an area of town I had never been to before, and it was absolutely beautiful and fresh. What I like is finding new places, seeing new things. I run until I get myself lost. I have no idea how far I've gone or how fast I've gotten there. Accomplishment isn't my goal. Reckless joy in discoveries that have cost me some exertion to find is. But, you see, I'm an overacheiver. I feel like I have to do better, be better, work harder.......and the list goes on and on. So, because I tend to forget that I don't have kill myself just because I like something, I will lose my love, joy and passion for it.
As I ran today, along unfamiliar roads and sidewalks, over bridges and through neighborhoods (hoping I would eventually run into my car again), I discovered things about God and about myself. Sometimes, He allows us to lose things we love or our love of certain things to bring us back to the core of Who He is and who He has made us to be. We get in a rut. He becomes boring; we get busy; people need us; we're tired. Only by taking us on new paths to different places can He get our attention. He is God, and we are His.
And, as He so very often does, He reignites the love we hold for Him, and, for me, the love I have for running....... How come He loves us enough to give back what He sometimes has to take?
P.S. - I did find my car again.....
Friday, November 7, 2008
Hits in New Orleans
This is a repost of a myspace blog put on here specifically for my little sister who requested it. A few things added.....
Hits in N.O.
As I said before, working in New Orleans is rather interesting. Our E.R. stays pretty busy. Between people coding, coming in with gun shot wounds, being drunk out of their minds, and getting no available beds upstairs, we stay on our feet the whole time. I am now no longer just an ER nurse. I'm ICU, med surg, psych, trauma, rehab, and er - all from one spot. I love the trauma. I think my mom is bothered that I'm a blood and guts kind of gal. All of this rambling to share a few lessons learned -
#1 If you take cocaine on a regular basis, you WILL have chest pain
#2 Don't tell me that you don't take cocaine but that you have been on a crack binge for the last three months
#3 When you have 16 bullet holes in your body, none of which hit vital organs, don't tell the nurses and docs you don't know why it happened or who did it. That wasn't just a lousy shot. It was a warning.
#4 With 16 holes in your body, don't tell me you're not on drugs. Your pee says otherwise, and if I believe your lie and give you meds that work with the benzos, thc, crack and opiates in your system, you could lay there and die.
#5 Don't look too many people in the eye when you go running downtown. Lots of them are your patients, and if they recognize you, you could be in trouble. Your goal is NOT to be a block-buster CSI case.
#6 NEVER agree to a date with one of your drunken, crackhead patients...or the psychiatric patient who thinks you're nice....or the guy on Bourbon street....or the local EMT. In fact, not dating someone from New Orleans IN New Orleans is probably your best bet.
#7 Be very good friends with all of the security folk. They might just save your butt one day.
#8 Please don't come to the ER because a pigeon pecked your toe in 1997, and "its hurt ever since...."
#9 NEVER take a patient up on getting a free palm reading
#10 When the doctors are calling your row of patients "Corrie's Crackhouse", you know it's going to be a doozy of a day.....
#11 When a patient's family asks if you're married, and his friend states that he doesn't see a ring, RUN!!!! Don't ask questions or try to be polite - just run.......fast!!!
Hits in N.O.
As I said before, working in New Orleans is rather interesting. Our E.R. stays pretty busy. Between people coding, coming in with gun shot wounds, being drunk out of their minds, and getting no available beds upstairs, we stay on our feet the whole time. I am now no longer just an ER nurse. I'm ICU, med surg, psych, trauma, rehab, and er - all from one spot. I love the trauma. I think my mom is bothered that I'm a blood and guts kind of gal. All of this rambling to share a few lessons learned -
#1 If you take cocaine on a regular basis, you WILL have chest pain
#2 Don't tell me that you don't take cocaine but that you have been on a crack binge for the last three months
#3 When you have 16 bullet holes in your body, none of which hit vital organs, don't tell the nurses and docs you don't know why it happened or who did it. That wasn't just a lousy shot. It was a warning.
#4 With 16 holes in your body, don't tell me you're not on drugs. Your pee says otherwise, and if I believe your lie and give you meds that work with the benzos, thc, crack and opiates in your system, you could lay there and die.
#5 Don't look too many people in the eye when you go running downtown. Lots of them are your patients, and if they recognize you, you could be in trouble. Your goal is NOT to be a block-buster CSI case.
#6 NEVER agree to a date with one of your drunken, crackhead patients...or the psychiatric patient who thinks you're nice....or the guy on Bourbon street....or the local EMT. In fact, not dating someone from New Orleans IN New Orleans is probably your best bet.
#7 Be very good friends with all of the security folk. They might just save your butt one day.
#8 Please don't come to the ER because a pigeon pecked your toe in 1997, and "its hurt ever since...."
#9 NEVER take a patient up on getting a free palm reading
#10 When the doctors are calling your row of patients "Corrie's Crackhouse", you know it's going to be a doozy of a day.....
#11 When a patient's family asks if you're married, and his friend states that he doesn't see a ring, RUN!!!! Don't ask questions or try to be polite - just run.......fast!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Water Falling
I've been doing alot of thinking about what it means to be a "safe" person and what it means to be a risk-taker. My sister nailed it: you can't be a safe risk-taker. You must make a choice. Which one am I?
When I was in Uganda last year, my team took a weekend break at this place called Sipi Falls. It was gorgeous and relaxing. There were several waterfalls on the mountain, and, from a distance, the apparent serenity of the area immediately made one's shoulders relax and one's mind forget all the impending deadlines. However, when you hiked down to the falls and got in the water, the force was amazing. The waterfall, although pouring over a 300 foot drop, was relatively small. The stinging waterdrops and the cool air that hit you were refreshing but exhausting. Caution was necessary if only to protect one's eyes and skin. The rocks were slippery, and the shattering drops were deafening. The water was surrounded by tropical plants that were at least knee high. The rocks sparkled with drops, their faces carved and changed by the consistent power of water and wind. The flowers edging the pool brilliantly outshone those further away. And those of us in the water felt recklessly alive....
Later that day, I realized something. The waterfall is God. From a distance, He seems safe, serene, calm.......sometimes almost boring. However, if you risk knowing Him, being in Him and of Him, He is anything but safe. He is the meeting point of the water and the rocks. My pride and my will are shattered. His plan becomes my only option because I cannot stop Him from working in me anymore than I can stop the water from falling over the edge of the cliff. Sometimes it's painful because my natural tendency is to resist change. But the closer I am to being underneath the waterfall, the more brilliant it becomes. It is not a safe place to be. It never will be, but it is the most refreshing and most fruitful place. I fear living a useless, "safe" life. So my prayer for myself is that I will be willing to live my life where the water meets the rocks.
"......Aslan safe? He's not safe, but He is good......"
Chronicles of Narnia;
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
C.S. Lewis
When I was in Uganda last year, my team took a weekend break at this place called Sipi Falls. It was gorgeous and relaxing. There were several waterfalls on the mountain, and, from a distance, the apparent serenity of the area immediately made one's shoulders relax and one's mind forget all the impending deadlines. However, when you hiked down to the falls and got in the water, the force was amazing. The waterfall, although pouring over a 300 foot drop, was relatively small. The stinging waterdrops and the cool air that hit you were refreshing but exhausting. Caution was necessary if only to protect one's eyes and skin. The rocks were slippery, and the shattering drops were deafening. The water was surrounded by tropical plants that were at least knee high. The rocks sparkled with drops, their faces carved and changed by the consistent power of water and wind. The flowers edging the pool brilliantly outshone those further away. And those of us in the water felt recklessly alive....
Later that day, I realized something. The waterfall is God. From a distance, He seems safe, serene, calm.......sometimes almost boring. However, if you risk knowing Him, being in Him and of Him, He is anything but safe. He is the meeting point of the water and the rocks. My pride and my will are shattered. His plan becomes my only option because I cannot stop Him from working in me anymore than I can stop the water from falling over the edge of the cliff. Sometimes it's painful because my natural tendency is to resist change. But the closer I am to being underneath the waterfall, the more brilliant it becomes. It is not a safe place to be. It never will be, but it is the most refreshing and most fruitful place. I fear living a useless, "safe" life. So my prayer for myself is that I will be willing to live my life where the water meets the rocks.
"......Aslan safe? He's not safe, but He is good......"
Chronicles of Narnia;
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
C.S. Lewis
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Looking For....
I find myself fascinated by "missed connections" websites!! I learned about them two weeks ago from a random article on MSN. So, once or twice a week, out of curiosity and just plain nosiness, I read some of the postings.
People Seeking People.....
Some get on to apologize....
Others are looking for old friends.....
Postings full of hurt and disappointment; others overflowing with hope.....
Many are desperate attempts to repair a shattered relationship......
Even some postings that are on-going fights......
However, the vast majority are from people who saw or talked to someone at a random moment on a random day in a random situation. They want to connect, to get to know that someone better, to satisfy a curiosity. They are anonymous - these posters. Safe risk-takers....
I understand why these sites are so popular. We all want someone to be searching for us. We want to have made an impression, a difference. We long to be noticed. It's a heady thought. Hope-filled and mind-filling: someone somewhere is looking for me.
We feel validated when we are pursued. Whether it is a friend that wants to go to dinner, a coworker who's day is better because you're there, a family member who just misses your presence or a romantic interest that longs to spend time with you because of your "you-ness" - our hearts and minds are enchanted and enthralled. We are filled with the contentment of knowing we are pursued.
And so, I smile, laugh, sigh and cringe for those anonymous posters. I hope for them what I so often hope for myself. I wonder if one day I'll read a posting of someone looking for me; because, at heart, we all long to be found.
People Seeking People.....
Some get on to apologize....
Others are looking for old friends.....
Postings full of hurt and disappointment; others overflowing with hope.....
Many are desperate attempts to repair a shattered relationship......
Even some postings that are on-going fights......
However, the vast majority are from people who saw or talked to someone at a random moment on a random day in a random situation. They want to connect, to get to know that someone better, to satisfy a curiosity. They are anonymous - these posters. Safe risk-takers....
I understand why these sites are so popular. We all want someone to be searching for us. We want to have made an impression, a difference. We long to be noticed. It's a heady thought. Hope-filled and mind-filling: someone somewhere is looking for me.
We feel validated when we are pursued. Whether it is a friend that wants to go to dinner, a coworker who's day is better because you're there, a family member who just misses your presence or a romantic interest that longs to spend time with you because of your "you-ness" - our hearts and minds are enchanted and enthralled. We are filled with the contentment of knowing we are pursued.
And so, I smile, laugh, sigh and cringe for those anonymous posters. I hope for them what I so often hope for myself. I wonder if one day I'll read a posting of someone looking for me; because, at heart, we all long to be found.
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