Thursday, March 26, 2009

Running Away From Home

I've decided to run away from home! I'm somewhat excited about it, although it does seem a bit delayed since I'm pushing 30 not 15. Better late than never!! Having become a somewhat logical processor (after the initial emotional response), I had to wait until I had some practical reasons to leave. I never was much of a rebel.....

So, I've decided to run away from defensiveness. Turns out that it's impossible to love people with a Christ-encompassing love when I refuse to be vulnerable. When I'm honest with myself, I realize my defensiveness is a response to fear. I must face forward to run away; so no more watching my back.....

Running away from my own selfishness. Trying to make life all about me has proven to be totally exhausting. I don't think I have the energy for it. :) I've also found that, when focusing on myself, there is very little joy spilling into or out of my life. Not getting my own way is a sure fire way of making me very quickly irritated with others. I'm ditching me, letting go of control. Think I'll sit back, chillax and have a cup of coffee with some friends......

So long as I'm running, I might as well leave behind the heavy seriousness I tend to drag around with me. I need to have more FUN!!! It's not that every conversation, moment and event aren't significant; they are!! However, not everything needs to be dissected for melancholy, life-changing importance. So - - -fly kites, try eating a dog biscuit, stay up late just because the company's great, sing and dance even with NO talent, run in the rain, read kids' books, LAUGH!!!! ----- that's the plan. Anybody care to join?

There are plenty of things in my life that I've made "home" that need to be left behind. Running away isn't always a bad thing; in fact, I might decide to do it more often. After all, the only thing I really have to do is pack a bag....

Broken

Over the last few years, I've done quite a bit of thinking and praying about brokenness and what that means in the life of a Jesus follower. I have come to the conclusion that, besides being an on-going process, brokenness is directly tied to the dreams and goals we have. I truly believe that God gives us dreams for the purpose of taking some of them away from us. Not in a hateful, "I'm God! Watch me move you around like a pawn on my own personal chessboard and dash all your hopes and dreams!" way but in an overwhelming loving "I am your Father. I know you completely, and I can see what you cannot. Trust me with your heart" way.

So often we kick and scream and beat our heels on the floor like a two year old when life does not turn out as we so desperately hoped it would. We want our way. Most of the time, our goals and dreams are good things, and yet, we are still so often stripped of them. God changes them or takes them, and we question the reason.

In my own life, I've found that I lean more heavily on Him and seek His face more intensly when I am disappointed. My doubt drives me to my knees. In time, I find that he uses the brokenness to create something far more beautiful and complete than I would have ever been able to do with "my plan". He has set eternity in the hearts of men (and women)....... I cannot see tomorrow; so, eternity, with all my hopes, dreams and goals wrapped up in it, is better left in the hands of my Alpha and Omega.

Fields

Fields of flowers, like ten thousand bittersweet dreams.
A fallen branch,
A careless step,
A storm of wind and rain,
A thousand crushed petals that tell of meaningless death,
And yet, what a sweet aroma can arise from a broken thing.

Let your brokenness become a beautiful thing....

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Mollie

I've had my dog Mollie for about a year and a half. During that time, I've figured out that my dog and I are very similar. So, this posting will be just a wee bit quirky.... Here's the list:

1.) She is stubborn!!
- I have been known to not budge until I get my way

2.) She loves attention and is very much a people pleaser
- no comment :)

3.) She very often insists on playing with things that have and will continue to hurt her (cats)
- How many times have I insisted on continuing in something that I know will hurt me?

4.) She pulls on her leash, insisting on going the wrong direction
- I pull and pull until God has to give me a jerk (that often lands me on my butt) to get
me headed in the right direction

5.) She doesn't like her own food. She would much rather have everyone else's.
- Too many times I've looked at other people's lives and thought, "If only..."

6.) She loses focus easily
- I'm very easily distracted by bright, shiny objects.....and several people will smile at this

7.) She is frightened by harmless things (plastic bags and sprinklers) and harmless noises
(xylephones) but will dive headfirst into things that can cause harm (again, cats)
- Frogs!!! I fear frogs but have no problem waltzing into war zones

8.) She adores people and gets upset when they are upset or crying
- Me too but I have the bad habit of taking on guilt that is not mine to carry

9.) She is clumsy, klutzy and awkward
- It's a good day if I've managed to not spill anything or fall flat on my face

10.) She always wants things that aren't good for her (cats, chocolate, roadkill)
- Ditto to the chocolate! I often insist on clinging to things that are no longer healthy for me
(habits, fears, relationships, guilt, grudges, people-pleasing tendencies)

So there are just a few ways in which Mollie and I are similar. Funny what God uses to show you things about yourself. Guess it's time for me to let go of some of that roadkill - there is no guilt or fear in obedience.