Spring is vicious! I find it so sad that a season I so look forward to results in Zyrtec, Allegra, Claritin and eye drops. My body will be happier when it's 104 degrees and everything is dead. sad, sad, sad.....
i'm typing this with only my left arm because i had right shoulder surgery about 8 days ago. my mom is concerned that i'm going to get addicted to pain meds. i'm not anticipating that being a problem. i can't stand staying home all day every day; so i'm living on advil so i can drive places. i start pt on tuesday. OUCH!!
the new job started wnderfully well. I have really enjoyed it although i've had to take quite a bit of time off for my shoulder. it has been difficult going back and forth. i feel like i have to start over every time. there have been some uncomfortable moments of my feeling like i'm the knot in a tug of war, but i guess it's just the adjusting that everyone is having to do.
i find myself constantly questioning whether or not i'm where i'm supposed to be. a friend continually reminds me that i am simply b/c it is where i am. i'm not convinced it's quite as simple as that; however, i heard a short message by brian houston (hillsong) that was a huge encouragement. the title is -using the things in your hand. he talked about how "calling" is what's in our hands - our talents, gifts, careers, what we are good at. he defined purpose as that which is in our hearts to do - the dreams god has given us to make difference. if you want to be challenged to live in your calling as god works to fulfill your (really HIS) purpose, i would encourage you to listen to this message!!
i am going to have to get creative. i've got several weeks of recuperation, and everyone else is at work. we shall see how it progresses......
sorry for the ee cummings style. only one arm, remember? :p
Friday, May 7, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
If "Change" is the Norm Would "No Change" Be the Exception
The holidays are officially over - at least for a little while. It was extremely difficult to drag myself out from underneath my very warm blankets this morning. Snooze was hit multiple times, and Mollie was snuggled up against my legs, quite content to sleep a little longer. Oh, Mondays......
So the big news is that I will be starting a new job on January 18th. Although I am sad to be leaving my sweet friends at NTIDC, I am really excited about this new opportunity. I will be one of the research coordinators at Cook Children's Medical Center in Fort Worth. There are so many reasons that I feel this job is going to be a great "fit" for me.
1.) The nerd part of me that loves to see research happening and loves to see the results will be oh,so very happy!
2.) I am FINALLY getting back to the pediatric world. I have really missed working with kiddos.
3.) I will get to utilize different aspects of my Master's degree.
4.) My commute will go from almost 3 hours a day to approximately 45 minutes. I will get my life back (and hopefully by rear back in shape :)
5.) There's a Starbucks IN the hospital!!
The list goes on and on.....
Other changes - - - - - Mom, Dad and Natalie will be moving out of the country near the end of February. This is always so difficult for me. I'm such a family gal.... Thankfully, God has graciously provided some dear friends and families that live very close to me. So glad they will be there to help me through the "missing".
Nate and Joy's baby girl is due near the end of this month or the beginning of next month (or whenever she decides to pop out). The contest for "favorite aunt" begins. I have the one-up on the other gals because I live closest!
One of the roomies is getting married this summer, so Lisa, Erin and I are on the hunt for someone new. Helping with all the crazy wedding planning and travel plans... Lisa will be getting a puppy in the spring so that she won't go into withdrawals when Buddy moves out with Tonya. Hopefully the new dog will be more of playmate for Mollie than Buddy has been. Of course, Buddy is still trying to learn to be a dog. He occasionally thinks he's a cat.
As of right now, that's about it, but there are still 361 days for that change. Hope everyone had a wonderfully blessed holiday season.
So the big news is that I will be starting a new job on January 18th. Although I am sad to be leaving my sweet friends at NTIDC, I am really excited about this new opportunity. I will be one of the research coordinators at Cook Children's Medical Center in Fort Worth. There are so many reasons that I feel this job is going to be a great "fit" for me.
1.) The nerd part of me that loves to see research happening and loves to see the results will be oh,so very happy!
2.) I am FINALLY getting back to the pediatric world. I have really missed working with kiddos.
3.) I will get to utilize different aspects of my Master's degree.
4.) My commute will go from almost 3 hours a day to approximately 45 minutes. I will get my life back (and hopefully by rear back in shape :)
5.) There's a Starbucks IN the hospital!!
The list goes on and on.....
Other changes - - - - - Mom, Dad and Natalie will be moving out of the country near the end of February. This is always so difficult for me. I'm such a family gal.... Thankfully, God has graciously provided some dear friends and families that live very close to me. So glad they will be there to help me through the "missing".
Nate and Joy's baby girl is due near the end of this month or the beginning of next month (or whenever she decides to pop out). The contest for "favorite aunt" begins. I have the one-up on the other gals because I live closest!
One of the roomies is getting married this summer, so Lisa, Erin and I are on the hunt for someone new. Helping with all the crazy wedding planning and travel plans... Lisa will be getting a puppy in the spring so that she won't go into withdrawals when Buddy moves out with Tonya. Hopefully the new dog will be more of playmate for Mollie than Buddy has been. Of course, Buddy is still trying to learn to be a dog. He occasionally thinks he's a cat.
As of right now, that's about it, but there are still 361 days for that change. Hope everyone had a wonderfully blessed holiday season.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
WooHoo for the Holidays
YAY!!! I love this time of year. Family, family,. family!! I haven't seen my twin sister in a whole year. :( That's just wrong!! Day before Christmas Eve (which she and I call Christmas Adam) is when I will finally see her!! In fact, the entire family will be together this year. All the drama, all the chaos, all the drama, all the noise, all the drama, all the laughing, all the drama....
Nate and Joy are having a little girl in January, but they are refusing to tell what the name is going to be. In fact, Nathan will deny that they know what they are going to name her although I have inside information that reveals that this is false. He's just not telling. :)
Caylen will be home from college (for both Thanksgiving and Christmas). The girl is hilarious. She adds so much spice to the family dynamics. She will educate me on my lack of musical knowledge. :) Carla is one the "family rocks". She takes everything in stride, and then all of a sudden will say something that has us in the floor rolling with laughter. She will want us to all go horseback riding with her. Natalie is the sunshine! She's the baby of the family and got all the best parts of everyone! She is a Ripstick fiend and a great cuddler.
Dad will tell his dad jokes and do a check-up on everyone's cars. Mom will bake and bake and bake and constantly be pushing everyone to eat something. She will also want to play a few hands of peanuts (a card game).
Cristan and Dan are coming in from San Diego - driving with 2 dogs, no less. They have little Cha-Cha and Lexi. Funny, little, yappy dogs that are going to drive my parents insane. These dogs are waaaaaaaaaay spoiled!! Pink collars, pink bowls, pink playpen, pink stroller, pink pillows, etc.......
Carmen and Doug are coming from Richmond. They are flying, but Carmen will talk about her dog Rooney the ENTIRE time she is home. :D He's a black lab that is afraid of the water. Go figure.
And me and Mollie, my crazy, cuddly, loveable mutt.
There's the round-up, folks!!
Nate and Joy are having a little girl in January, but they are refusing to tell what the name is going to be. In fact, Nathan will deny that they know what they are going to name her although I have inside information that reveals that this is false. He's just not telling. :)
Caylen will be home from college (for both Thanksgiving and Christmas). The girl is hilarious. She adds so much spice to the family dynamics. She will educate me on my lack of musical knowledge. :) Carla is one the "family rocks". She takes everything in stride, and then all of a sudden will say something that has us in the floor rolling with laughter. She will want us to all go horseback riding with her. Natalie is the sunshine! She's the baby of the family and got all the best parts of everyone! She is a Ripstick fiend and a great cuddler.
Dad will tell his dad jokes and do a check-up on everyone's cars. Mom will bake and bake and bake and constantly be pushing everyone to eat something. She will also want to play a few hands of peanuts (a card game).
Cristan and Dan are coming in from San Diego - driving with 2 dogs, no less. They have little Cha-Cha and Lexi. Funny, little, yappy dogs that are going to drive my parents insane. These dogs are waaaaaaaaaay spoiled!! Pink collars, pink bowls, pink playpen, pink stroller, pink pillows, etc.......
Carmen and Doug are coming from Richmond. They are flying, but Carmen will talk about her dog Rooney the ENTIRE time she is home. :D He's a black lab that is afraid of the water. Go figure.
And me and Mollie, my crazy, cuddly, loveable mutt.
There's the round-up, folks!!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Escaping
There is an absolutely fascinating psychiatric disorder called a fugue state. Following is Wikepedia's definition:
"A fugue state, formally Dissociative Fugue (previously called Psychogenic Fugue) (DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders 300.13[1]), is a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state is usually short-lived (hours to days), but can last months or longer. Dissociative fugue usually involves unplanned travel or wandering, and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity. After recovery from fugue, previous memories usually return intact, however there is complete amnesia for the fugue episode. Importantly, an episode is not characterized as a fugue if it can be related to the ingestion of psychotropic substances, to physical trauma, to a general medical condition, or to psychiatric conditions such as delerium or dementia, bipolar disorder or depression. Fugues are usually precipitated by a stressful episode, and upon recovery there may be amnesia for the original stressor (Dissociative Amnesia)."
No joke!! People just walk away one day. They remember absolutely nothing. They have started whole new families, whole new lives. Then, they "wake up". They remember everything - - - - except for all that occurred during the fugue state. The brain finds many ways to escape that which it cannot comprehend - whether it is the old reality or the new.
How many of us, at one point or another, haven't wished we could just start over? A fresh start where no one knows us or the mistakes we've made. A start that begins with a whole new person. If we can't have a physical fugue state, maybe we can make do with an emotional one. An escape from ourselves, others, circumstances, pain, tragedies.....
It seems ideal except......
I don't want to forget all the wonderful memories........in spite of some hurtful ones
I don't want to deny the significant people in my life........whose love keeps me going.
I don't want to relearn all the lessons I've learned and am learning......those took 30 years.
I don't want to forget the experiences, both amazing and painful, that shape who I am.
I don't want to let go of dreams and hopes and wishes that I've had for so long.
I don't want to forget the laughter........or the tears.
I don't want to lose who I am......to escape to a different (but maybe not better) me.
What about you? Would you change the things and the people that have made you "you"? Sometimes, escape can be dangerous. It makes us try to live in the future or the past or even in a non-existent place. The here, the now - - that's what we've been given. I pray we all live each moment fully - whether good or bad - because we will never get to live them again.
"A fugue state, formally Dissociative Fugue (previously called Psychogenic Fugue) (DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders 300.13[1]), is a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state is usually short-lived (hours to days), but can last months or longer. Dissociative fugue usually involves unplanned travel or wandering, and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity. After recovery from fugue, previous memories usually return intact, however there is complete amnesia for the fugue episode. Importantly, an episode is not characterized as a fugue if it can be related to the ingestion of psychotropic substances, to physical trauma, to a general medical condition, or to psychiatric conditions such as delerium or dementia, bipolar disorder or depression. Fugues are usually precipitated by a stressful episode, and upon recovery there may be amnesia for the original stressor (Dissociative Amnesia)."
No joke!! People just walk away one day. They remember absolutely nothing. They have started whole new families, whole new lives. Then, they "wake up". They remember everything - - - - except for all that occurred during the fugue state. The brain finds many ways to escape that which it cannot comprehend - whether it is the old reality or the new.
How many of us, at one point or another, haven't wished we could just start over? A fresh start where no one knows us or the mistakes we've made. A start that begins with a whole new person. If we can't have a physical fugue state, maybe we can make do with an emotional one. An escape from ourselves, others, circumstances, pain, tragedies.....
It seems ideal except......
I don't want to forget all the wonderful memories........in spite of some hurtful ones
I don't want to deny the significant people in my life........whose love keeps me going.
I don't want to relearn all the lessons I've learned and am learning......those took 30 years.
I don't want to forget the experiences, both amazing and painful, that shape who I am.
I don't want to let go of dreams and hopes and wishes that I've had for so long.
I don't want to forget the laughter........or the tears.
I don't want to lose who I am......to escape to a different (but maybe not better) me.
What about you? Would you change the things and the people that have made you "you"? Sometimes, escape can be dangerous. It makes us try to live in the future or the past or even in a non-existent place. The here, the now - - that's what we've been given. I pray we all live each moment fully - whether good or bad - because we will never get to live them again.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
In Memory Of....
One of the most beloved and respected physicians at Baylor ED died on Saturday. It has been heartbreaking for many of us, and yet we have been able to laugh at so many wonderful memories. Dr. Portera was the gentlest doctor I have ever known. I don't think any of us ever saw him struggling with "compassion burn-out". He cared deeply for each and every one of his patients. Once he befriended you, you knew you had a friend for life.
As a doctor, he was calm, steady and confident. In critical situations, he never became frazzled. It did not matter what rolled through the ER doors. If he was on duty., every nurse knew that the day would be good. Traumas, codes, crashing patients, broken limbs, sniffles, stubbed toes - neither the severity nor the drama that is part of any ER fazed him. People needed to know someone cared, and Dr. Portera was that caring person - not only for patients but also for their families, for the nurses, the other doctors, the radiology staff, the clerks, the techs., the housekeepers, the security guards, the social workers.
He was a man who simply loved people in the way Christ loves them. Dr. Portera did not see social status, gender, or race. He saw fragile hearts that needed to be handled with gentle love and sincere compassion. He entered every patient's room with the words, "Tell me about your troubles". And the amazing thing was that he really wanted to hear and know and understand.
Dr. Portera was a healer in every sense of the word. He taught us by example; he led us with gentleness; and he loved us with humor and grace. His was a life richly lived. I pray that I may continue to learn from his example of unselfish, overflowing, Christ-like love.
As a doctor, he was calm, steady and confident. In critical situations, he never became frazzled. It did not matter what rolled through the ER doors. If he was on duty., every nurse knew that the day would be good. Traumas, codes, crashing patients, broken limbs, sniffles, stubbed toes - neither the severity nor the drama that is part of any ER fazed him. People needed to know someone cared, and Dr. Portera was that caring person - not only for patients but also for their families, for the nurses, the other doctors, the radiology staff, the clerks, the techs., the housekeepers, the security guards, the social workers.
He was a man who simply loved people in the way Christ loves them. Dr. Portera did not see social status, gender, or race. He saw fragile hearts that needed to be handled with gentle love and sincere compassion. He entered every patient's room with the words, "Tell me about your troubles". And the amazing thing was that he really wanted to hear and know and understand.
Dr. Portera was a healer in every sense of the word. He taught us by example; he led us with gentleness; and he loved us with humor and grace. His was a life richly lived. I pray that I may continue to learn from his example of unselfish, overflowing, Christ-like love.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Things That Change and Things That Don't
I turned 30 yesterday. It seems very weird. Growing up, I heard so many people say that they didn't feel their age, that they still felt so very young. Now, I'm not old, but I'm beginning to understand what they meant. I think that, as we get older, we begin to realize how much we DON'T know, how often we are so wrong in our judgements of others, how much grace we ourselves need, how short life really is. Perspective changes.....
I got a tattoo. Definite change - - - - - that my mother will find out about tomorrow. It's the word Muirnin written in Celtic script across the inside of my left wrist. The word means "beloved" in Gaelic. This wasn't a snap, "help, I'm turning thirty" decision. I've actually wanted to get one for several years but wanted to be sure I wanted what I got. This is to be a daily reminder that I am Christ's Beloved. I so often allow my feelings to influence what I believe about who I am in the Lord. My feelings don't change the truth though. Muirnin is who I am to my God. A physical marking, a reminder that "I am my Beloved's, and He is mine".....
I took the full time position at the clinic where I have been working part time. This would not usually be such a big deal for someone, but for me, it's kinda big. It means that I'm committing to staying in DFW for at least another year. It means I'm not planning, striving, pushing forward. I'm waiting. I'm finally learning to trust that being still is not "wasted time". Learning to be still is giving me some much needed and beyond priceless, precious time with people I dearly love.
So there's where life is at the moment. Nothing crazy, nothing chaotic, nothing spectacular - - - -and maybe that's the most spectacular, amazing thing about it. Life always changes, and it always stays the same.
I got a tattoo. Definite change - - - - - that my mother will find out about tomorrow. It's the word Muirnin written in Celtic script across the inside of my left wrist. The word means "beloved" in Gaelic. This wasn't a snap, "help, I'm turning thirty" decision. I've actually wanted to get one for several years but wanted to be sure I wanted what I got. This is to be a daily reminder that I am Christ's Beloved. I so often allow my feelings to influence what I believe about who I am in the Lord. My feelings don't change the truth though. Muirnin is who I am to my God. A physical marking, a reminder that "I am my Beloved's, and He is mine".....
I took the full time position at the clinic where I have been working part time. This would not usually be such a big deal for someone, but for me, it's kinda big. It means that I'm committing to staying in DFW for at least another year. It means I'm not planning, striving, pushing forward. I'm waiting. I'm finally learning to trust that being still is not "wasted time". Learning to be still is giving me some much needed and beyond priceless, precious time with people I dearly love.
So there's where life is at the moment. Nothing crazy, nothing chaotic, nothing spectacular - - - -and maybe that's the most spectacular, amazing thing about it. Life always changes, and it always stays the same.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Really? Seriously?
This has been a ridiculous week!! I ended up in the ER this last week for something that was neither spectacular nor heroic. I fell down some stairs. The fall itself was nowhere near graceful, but I was in a cute dress. Not quite sure how that makes things better, but it's all I've got. I was pretty sure I had broken my arm, but the X-rays refused to show a fracture. I still think its broken. It hurts like nobody's business!! This lovely little event happened in a teeny, tiny town called D'Hanis, Texas. It's west of Hondo which is west of another small town which is southwest of San Antonio. I was there for some friends' wedding (which was absolutely beautiful). I was wearing another cute dress for that, but, b/c it was red and black, it got cancelled out by the blue and white arm sling.
Weddings seem to be jinxed events for me. At my brother's wedding, I had a really bad infection in my foot. Landed in the Shawnee, OK ER for medication. I was on crutches for the next 3 days. Just to add to the ridiculousness of it, the medication made me pass out - - - - twice. I hit my head on the back of the dryer and regained consciousness to the melodious sound of my sister verbalizing some French. After passing out for the second time, I "came to" being unceremoniously dumped on my bed by my brother-in-law and listening to my sister-in-law explaining to some friends that she had to call them to find out what to do b/c it was the ER nurse who had fainted, and so, no, she couldn't give directions.
As previously mentioned, my dog and I are similar; so she had to be sure to have medical issues too. Her injury, or rather how she obtained it, is rather impressive. In fact, she was the first dog her vet had ever had that was hurt from jumping on the trampoline. She caught her leg in the spring and ripped a gash in her leg. She woke up the entire neighborhood with her sad yelping. If people are on the trampoline, she wants to be on there to jump at them. If people aren't on it, she wants to be closer to the birds. I'm waiting for the day when she realizes she can jump over the fence if she is on it. Hopefully, she won't impale herself. So, Mollie had to be sedated and sutured yesterday. I have to admit that a drugged dog is pretty darn hilarious - - - - pitiful but funny.
Life is proving - - - - - interesting.........
Weddings seem to be jinxed events for me. At my brother's wedding, I had a really bad infection in my foot. Landed in the Shawnee, OK ER for medication. I was on crutches for the next 3 days. Just to add to the ridiculousness of it, the medication made me pass out - - - - twice. I hit my head on the back of the dryer and regained consciousness to the melodious sound of my sister verbalizing some French. After passing out for the second time, I "came to" being unceremoniously dumped on my bed by my brother-in-law and listening to my sister-in-law explaining to some friends that she had to call them to find out what to do b/c it was the ER nurse who had fainted, and so, no, she couldn't give directions.
As previously mentioned, my dog and I are similar; so she had to be sure to have medical issues too. Her injury, or rather how she obtained it, is rather impressive. In fact, she was the first dog her vet had ever had that was hurt from jumping on the trampoline. She caught her leg in the spring and ripped a gash in her leg. She woke up the entire neighborhood with her sad yelping. If people are on the trampoline, she wants to be on there to jump at them. If people aren't on it, she wants to be closer to the birds. I'm waiting for the day when she realizes she can jump over the fence if she is on it. Hopefully, she won't impale herself. So, Mollie had to be sedated and sutured yesterday. I have to admit that a drugged dog is pretty darn hilarious - - - - pitiful but funny.
Life is proving - - - - - interesting.........
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